Darkest Secrets

How can we live with SIN?

This is not a post to share my belief in Christianity, but just some random and humanly thoughts I have on this word -SIN. Someone ever shared with me that SIN is the least mentioned english word in the newspaper ever.

Yet everyday, we find SIN evidently in the articles, be it in stories of betrayal, murder, fraud etc. A common word to categorise them would be SIN.

I once thought (and probably still do think) that it’s okay to live with unethical, immoral acts of mine as long as I enjoy it. Instant gratification they call it. As I was reflecting through some of the events in my life, I realised there are many things that I do not dare to tell anyone about. These are my darkest secrets. And many of them I did it with enjoyment at the time of action.

I told myself it’s okay to indulge in these SINful activities once in a while, I know I wasn’t a hardcore villian deep at heart. It’s alright to be a bit wrong just to enjoy myself once in a while, nobody’s going to get killed or anything. However, I see it in different light now.

Why do I feel ashame to even let a single soul knows about these darkest secret of mine? It’s something unexplainable, it’s just so natural within us to feel ashame of these dark act of ours, isn’t it?

While I’m glad that these are over and I got away “scot-free”, I suppose these events/acts will remain as a deep scar within me. It probably not going to haunt me everyday, but once in a while in quiet days when I look back at my life, I am going to continue  feeling this tinge of hurt, sadness, guilt and disappointment with myself. Even when “victims” of such events/act forgive, I never will. I suppose this indirectly explain what conscience is.

My sincere prayer and cryout to God is to guide me in making righteous decision in life and to free myself from the heavy burden and guilt of these darkest secrets.